relentless warrior

So, I have realized that it might be far more likely that I win the lottery than actually finding a job. The economy has unfortunately begun to greatly effect me. After starting a job last week, realizing that it was the complete opposite of what I wanted to be doing, a quickly ended my employment. Then Friday was spent with much much job search. Then I had to return home to my parents house, which has dial-up :( so no job searching could take place. I then returned back to Evansville on Sunday in high hopes Monday would be productive. I have searched through the classifieds, monster.com, career builder, craiglist, yahoo.... etc. and NOTHING is available. I have even gone as far as calling every advertising agency in Evansville to see if they were hiring. So today, I came up empty handed. I am now just searching for some receptionist positions just to pass the time until something becomes available. However those jobs are few and far between. After a minor meltdown today, balling tears and all. I began to feel a little ridiculous. I guess it just frustrates me that since we were children, parents, teachers, and leaders have all harped about how important a college educations is and that you will have a greater earning potential, become more marketable, and have an easier time finding jobs. Well today it might as well never mattered that I went to college. I am now just trying to find something to pay the bills, clerical, retail, it doesn't matter. Even a nice internship would be great, but as I discovered most internships are geared toward undergraduates, well, I am now a graduate.

After some tears I decided to fill out and application and turn in a resume and a hotel for a front desk clerck. After that I drove past a cute little Christian book store and decided to pop in. I began to take a look around and made a bee line to the devotional section like it was some sort of self-help aisle. In a way it was a self help area, I began to look for a devotional that would help during this time of transition and confusion. A small tan paperback book caught my attention, the title of the devotional was entiled, trust, how fitting I thought. So I quickly opened up the book and began to browse down the index. A there it was, and entire index devoted to trust, and fear, why women fear, and how to deal with fear. I quickly took the book in my possesion. I just new God had led me to this book. I think that is the biggest thing I am afraid of, FEAR. I have so many fears, failure, unhappiness, discontentment.... and the list goes on, however the last thing I thought to think about was that if I put my complete and absolute trust in God, he will not allow me to be discontent, unhappy, or a failure. Here I am 7 weeks out of school with no job, things have to being to turn around at some point, and I know that God will not forsake me, I just need to trust in HIM and he will direct my paths. I cannot wait to begin reading this devotional, it is rather short, but I feel that it is coming at a time of need. I need to learn how to give myself completely over to HIM, and if I do everything else will just fall in place because I am not focused on earthly things, but on my heavenly father.

well I am signing off with a grateful attitude because I have roof over my head, food in my belly, and the promise of an eternal life. Why do I have to worry about? Nothing..... I leave that all up to HIM.


all my love,

Carrie